10 things I learned in USA

1. I can also cook[My mom will vouch what a big ‘wonder’ it is]. I learned I can do things which I have classified as ‘not capable’ of only if I am prepared to endure certain failure and practice it. BIG lesson. Some day when I grow up to make my own money, I would be grateful to the kitchen and the friends who helped me with it.

2. Time is more valuable than money. I learned it through shopping online – those two days shipping and free super shipping have  a huge difference in cost between them sometimes equivalent to the product costs. Learned/Trained to make more such decisions giving value to time.I also admire and adore the way they keep time for meetings and appointments. I wish i kill the Indian trait of starting at 9 from home for a 9 meeting at 9.

3.You can be honest and still happy. People trusted each other and that relieved half the pains in life. My boss never peeps in to my window and I dont hide tweeting or facebooking from him.Yet he gets the work done from me and I also serve him fairly well. They take your products back in shop going by your words. I am slowly killing my lies and one day I can vouch for “Sathyameva jayathe”.

4.Rules are rules. However tall you are you must bend to it and dont bend them. I learned this mainly on the road. People stop for STOP boards even if they are 200% sure that there are no vehicles on all sides. That makes life easy for all of us and makes it even predictable to an extent.For a non-conformist like me this was a revelation and I abide by the rules which make sense with full heart.

5.I had to struggle for my basic needs – food,shelter and even clothing at times. I had to plan my wash cycles, though I learnt to cook,cooking for 5+ people when you are bit low makes you avoid it, and we had to switch places and change apartments. I roamed in the streets without knowing whether I will have a home in the next week. All this made be understand the values of a sweet in the home,taste in the food and pride in the cloths we wear.

6. KIDS  – KIDS are the reason the world is beautiful. I knew this way back in India too.But I was amazed at the parenting, they explain things to kids and make them make the decisions rather than making the decision for them. I cherish the moments whenever I managed to get little interaction with those little minds. And I also learned that my I.Q is less than the I.Q of a five year old:)-  they are simply amazing!

7.Friendships – Having lived with more than 20 different room mates and worked in a changing environment where I had to deal with more than 100 changing faces, I understood that not all people should be treated equally. You may hate this but thats my experience. I am a open and outgoing guy and I love people too. But I shouldnt offer it to those who dont deserve it or use it for narrow purpose. I restricted myself and I have made certain good and new friendships which I will cherish till my last breath.

8. TOASTMASTERS – I learnt the value of being a toastmaster because that was one reason why I walked a different path – I mean I had to travel alone to attend the meetings. My love for it didnt bother walking miles or travelling in metro for long time. And when I was received well in those clubs I felt as if the whole America is receiving me with warmth(:)). And also I realized how much I missed my home club and how much the people in Chennai are part of my life.

9.TRIPS- Making periodic trips and discovering new lands with ‘good’ people makes you look back life with cherished memories. I dont remember the year that went by in terms of work. But I do remember the trips,visiting new places and getting inspired by things I observe in them.

10.BEING SOCIAL : He he. I have been hyper active in social networks even before but my facebooking has gone all time high. I do that to kill boredom and also to stay in touch with people I love.For those who know me well you should know what I am capable of and what I am doing now.Anyhow I will be making a cut in it when I lose time for a better cause. Never let the brain be idle for its devils workshop. Always America offered something to fascinate my brain when I was open minded:)

 

 

Thank you USA. I wanted a degree from you, I wanted a job I can brag about with my friends from you, I wanted  a rich life style which I can show off from you. I wanted all these then – you didnt give any of it. But you gave me what I really wanted – ENLIGHTENMENT.Yes I feel it , I will improve myself and make my life and lives around me better with what you have offered to me. THANK YOU. Bye bye is just around the corner.

Man-O-Man

Inspired to persist by Dravid, I was determined to defend and wait for the loose balls. I havent scored many runs in life inspite of facing lot ,really lot of dot balls(some of them were loose enough too). Every over,makes me learn more about the pitch, and I believe in the knowledge of the pitch. That knowledge is more valuable and hence I am. Kids,Beatles,Dravid,Gautam and Kamalhassan – the most awesome things which I adore have marked this day ,joined hands and are hosting a party in my mind. Let their song continue long like a WALLs innings.

This interview and this man is one reason why I breathe this air like the way I do it now.

http://www.thehindu.com/life-and-style/metroplus/article2131761.ece?homepage=true#.TgTBScktoYg.facebook

Long live the tribe. I am a wannabe KAMALHASSAN in whatever trade I do in life.

How did it change

Slept with holding the memory management concepts in my cache, woke up to a binary tree,walked like  a pro with a camera and thoughts like a king. And while bathing,lightening striked -a truly awesome and possible thought struck my mind. Only I stand between it and myself, If I make that decision, it could be one of the best I will make in life–analyzing it. But two days back I was a zombie. I worked in the same place doing the same work, walking the same path everyday. But today I spotted a lot of difference. I watched a kid hopping instead of walking, smiling faces and I saw him and was proud of him too – Yes Me in the reflections of  glass shielded shops. Not just the illusion of that image, I enjoyed the way in which my mind reflected the experience as thoughts. Now I am sure I am a man of good thoughts(atleast for half-time period of a sinusoidal wave) , but to make it full I need actions. I am in to act but its a little longer scene !

World as it is

The world – I wanted to make one for me.With this thought I set foot in to it,merged with it without getting mixed with it. And later now I find its different and difficult,if not impossible to live outside the existing one. Still I do have that hope,urge and desire – whatever you call it – THAT to create my own world. Materials wont matter in it.Accomplishments wont talk in it. Future will not be bothered in it. Existence will be celebrated with those who exist in it.In this world,at this moment I learn from my mis-steps. Steps set in wrong sail,outcomes experienced much before it became an outcome and the instances where my foot went back. From here I carry the burden of WISDOM over and in my heads, which will guide in my path. I may or may not create my world, but I will continue to live where ever I exist, like I wanted to live in my world.Then the may or may not,will not matter.

Holding the cravings, enriching the ego and pushing the ability – these are my quests! As long as I have fellow travellers I will continue and even if none I can give myself a good company….The journey continues in the same path with a new insight. DESTINATION is not sought for I will reach there,rather how is where the experience made for evolution to continue.PERIOD!

 

Its okay to be 26 and who you are!

Yes I turned 26 physically but still feel like a 17 year old,waiting to step in to the world when I am already in the middle of it. I was super sad and indeed scared on how I am going to handle this clock ticks.I even went on to turn everything in the world which could remind me of this overrun.But you cant turn off your MOM and best friends. I had some heart warming wishes.Will share a collage of them for I admire the few but very good friendships I have made.Not that I dont count you as a friend if you dont wish me,but I take pride in the understanding I share with these guys.

Certainly there is a bag of regrets , but also there is another bag of responsibility and shield of growth. As usual , I walked in search of kids and found a bunch of them in a toystore and a play area. I know I must grow up soon to be responsible for few like that! When thinking about it,lot of other thoughts passed by and it felt good to loose some of the puerile thoughts I had lived with. I am not going to disclose them but those losses made up for the regrets and the day ends on a good note “Its okay to be 26!”.

Oh Mom and Dad stop pampering me. See I am 26 but feeling like 17 :)!

The road Taken

June 19 2006 – I was naive. I didnt know what is structure padding or computer science in general. But I was all like a Neil Armstrong entering the lunar mission with the hope of building a revolutionary product. I was mad after my desires naming it as passion.I still didnt know whether I made a good choice or gave up good choices which came my way.But a young man is always happy to chase his love , even if it is ‘bad’ in others eyes. So must be it.

I had to believe in destiny,because my protests didnt get me to where I wanted to be, but to where I should have been. Yes working in a open environment was much enthralling and exposing than working with a proprietary IDE. At work I was lucky to have a good mentor during my initial days.Indeed I was a good code churning machine during my first two years.I never worked for the bosses even when the culture demanded so. But whenever there is something challenging to rise my abilities, I always mustered my powers and even burned my midnight oil to just prove myself that I am greater by beating the challenge and acquiring the knowledge. But perfection is far from my portfolio,I dont produce good documents or take enough pains to complete a task.My strengths are in adventurous excavations and diving in to deep blue ocean of unknown, and setting things up. I am not a good finisher.

As year 1 and 2 rolled, I was still hopeful of the mission launch and was preparing for it.Indeed I got close to one of them and I was tricked to think that it was the rocket science I wanted to explore. I did launch the rocket and returned to normal machine’s mission. As I stand and look back at the past, there is no glory, only gory details.The hope of a lunar mission is marked as out of the scope of the agency I am with.If you dont do them , why do you pose to do so?.The knowledge I acquired in the last year, makes me trust the misquote “IGNORANCE IS BLISS”.

Should I count it as an awareness and trigger the awakening? The anger is not against them but its within me  and because of me.I was sailing in this boat, to this ocean with a hope of catching a ship/shore. The hope kept me sailing in to unknown territories. I have learned about the water but not enough swimming to set me on my own. Today I am without a direction and desire, a dangerous state for a human to be – without interests.I dont like to trudge along and keep my head above the waters.

This anguish, dark knowledge makes me feel a vacuum. I know how structures are stored in memory now and what computer science is. But I dont feel the science when I apply it in everyday work.Instead of respecting work my tribe respects what work brings to them.

HOPE is one string which attached me to this boat and now I am deprived of it too. May be its depressing to write this or read it but internally I feel happy to lose that hope! I am not a rebel who is against all the systems, I just desire the system to make sense in every command it asks us to do for I believe in meaning behind every deeds.If you know me, and if you have read this understanding what I mean,watch out whats happening with me.It could be the way in which revolutionaries are made. Or it could be also the way in which day dreamers awaken to reality.Watch out! June-19 2011 is a bitter-sweet day!

Back to School.

For reasons unknown I was getting dreams which has me in school in recent months. The sad part of those dreams is most of them occur at a day or hour close to exams for which I am not prepared as usual. – Nightmares.

Yesterday while poking around in facebook found an LKG Moms expression about the first day in school. I loved the discussions which followed that comment and it took me back in time to my own first days in June! Starting afresh in life is always a wonderful option and it happens once in a year during our school days. The process actually starts two three weeks in advance when they start issuing the books. Opening those new books and feeling the smell and seeing the breadth of it is once scintillating experience. School book designers really do a noble job. I still remember the pages of my 4th std social science book which was quite like a tour of India with vivid photographs. The cursive writing book and the two lines note book is one big torture.[I once wrote two lines in advance for a month and when my tamil miss discovered that she pinched my nails!]. Getting good, very good , nandru ,mega nandru was a better experience than gettting rises and yearly apprisals.

I still remember that I used to say 25 out of 23 and get scoldings from my mom for saying it in reverse order. Getting shoes,bags and all necessary accessories makes every student complete.Then the books have to be bound and the notebooks must be covered. Finding attractive labels , sticker labels, gum based labels, writing names in it [till std 5 I outsourced it to mom or dad], these happen during the first few days.

And every year we keep growing and we keep looking the grade we past with a smirk  as if we have outgrown them. There will be few changes,missing faces,new faces and sumer time stories. We mostly will be having a new CLASS TEACHER who is the shepherd of all those scape goats.Discovering who is assigned for which subject will be moments of joy and cry. Yes we will be happy if we are spared from the ones who handle with cane, and we will feel happy to have those who handle with care. I have had good teachers all along at school. I worship them! Right from my first std Mallika Miss to 12th std Senthil Kumar Sir, I have had a special place for one reason or other  and had a good run.

We return home and tell new stories to parents exciting both us and them. June is the month of liberation – where we tend to get little extra play time and take our own time to settle down. My study hours were very strict at home. It will be marked by the bus schedules. I and my mom will have a deal that I will be home when THAT bus goes in that direction and I will have to study even if I dont have HOME WORK till this bus goes in that direction. Bliss of growing up near road. (I cherish the village experience too!). Those where days where I felt unlimited joy when the bus crosses five minutes in advance:)

VOILA! I must tell about my commitments. I am generally known as a lazy douchebag to those who studied with me. But I remember the way I prepared for my first unit tests in 12 th std. I was very particular about MATHS,PHYSICS and CHEMISTRY. My masters were surprised at my presentation in papers and everyone came and had a special word with me thinking that I was the race horse for the year. But later I became a dark horse [thats a sad story!]. I studied those electromagnetics well past midnight and I still remember them. And I scored 75/75 in physics,74/75 in chemistry and 97/100 in Maths. Might sound simple for most of you but for me its one exam where I gave my best! Seriously I didnt care 50% of the extent i did for it for my public exams. Even the biology teacher came up and congratualted and motivated me to keep the form and make wonders [I was a computer science student!] But after that I got bored of exams and ended up writing stories in them.:)

Well I am off track, I wanted to write more on June experience but still I am glad that I am sticking with school. Considering the rustic background,I should say that my education is a gift for me and I should thank the visionaries [Few of their methods are unmatched!] for giving me a good primary education. Its only in the secondary education, they stinked chasing marks. I had to get principals permission if I had to attend IIT JEE coaching classes every three months [I had aspiration and perspiration, but the question is not about making it,i didnt even waste money on my applications!]. Had they thought little beyond the normal me and my wonderful friends would have been better than what we are now. But still what we are is because of those wonderful teachers. I see that my friends circle carries with them a unique AKT aura.

 

I can write a  book about my days in AKT, but the unsaid words and never ending images which appears before my eyes now tells thousand tales.Sad that now the standards are down but the scores are high. But bet learning should be more fun! Tickle those little brains and excite them. You will never know how fresh and great they are. I am waiting to go back to school with my kid! And since the usual posts are becoming a hit if I have a mention about  ‘my girl’ I follow that tradition here too. Whoe ever it might be, ‘MY GIRL’ – dont be a martinet for marks, be a angel for my kids who makes learning as play and makes them learn even in a play. If you feel you find some one qualified , you must know my email address:)

 

 

 

My social status

These days “social status” means a total different thing, than what it meant 10 years ago. If you are that old school father with a beautiful sorry intelligent girl (actually AND:)) who wants to hand over your girl only to a man with good social status – yes you can consider me. I post photos of dream lands, I tweet happy tweets, post like a millionaire and pose like a happy man. Will you?

But think. Everyone shares only what makes them look better in the beholders eyes. You never photograph yourself straight out of bed, or tweet “Oh my breath really stinks!”. So these social sites are full of happy moments mostly [My case is an exception!]. There are people who over do it. [No not me..:)]. Instead of being generic let me take it very personal and analyze it from my experiences.

I feel that I am not missing the toastmasters and the special moments by being part of the fun which follows such real world events. There must be people wondering whether I am just waiting for someone to comment staring at the fb page, because my repartees are that quick. But being a geek I am used to multiprocessing and I have my own way of handling things. [I dont deny that I am over active there, but if I want to disconnect I can for better reasons.] I write this blog as I follow a funny discussion 🙂

Then there are those moments of loneliness. And you open up and find some one who has expressed something sincere to you. [It may be a small ACK to your thought which no one ACKed in your real immediate world.]You start to believe more in those thoughts and make life better.

And my posts – I rarely flush out all my thoughts and likes.When I am in control I flush only certain things which could be likable and usable for others[My filters may fail but intention is sure!] .Analytically I post hardly 10% of my thougths and 60% of the rest are for my closed ones [again they are divided between many so they arent overwhelmed – yet there are few who have to handle my torrential garbage and make sense out of it]. I am lucky to have such friends who are ears, and they dont hate me for it.[I believe so]. You are always free to mark me as spam or hide me. But if you want to earn some information from me you must bear the garbage I wrap them in.

Twitter is a different world – I dont want to explain the kind of benefits I derive there. Its a network of strangers. Right from following the heroes of your choice to the divas of your dreams its a funny virtual world – the confluence of the intellectuals.

And especially in onsite I use facebook more than before, even if I despise certain policies of it. Thats because it helps me stay sane.Now let me say something which I havent said in those status messages.

Life is not as beautiful as it looks, but it can be as beautiful as you look at it. So when you look at only the happy messages [not that I dont post sad ones..the sad ones are encoded in a cryptic language which only very few can decipher] you assume that I am this little boy who got dropped in Alice’s wonderland. Sadly thats wrong. I have experienced life only in the last one year to the fullest. To the fullest includes – struggle for all the basic amenities Food,shelter and ?[Oops i forgot my primary school science].Dont ever compare your unfulfilled wishes with my fulfilled little wishes for they werent fully filled.

At the same time I thank all those people who boosted my ego by accepting,acknowledging and appreciating.I took few of them very seriously than you have thought about it and dismissed most of them as jokes. Yes I do check the notification bar as first thing when i log in facebook but I dont count the likes, rather I analyse how people view things from their end[Believe me my self-rated best thoughts have rarely got universal likes.]

Good or bad, there arent many people who follow my blogs so I am more liberal here without much restrains to the thoughts. The day when I see more crowed behind me, I will start moving :). I feel these blogs is  a true indicator of my evolution and I will continue to evolve.

Now little generic,

I admire passion and love and like those posts without second thoughts. But I come across few fashion stuff [show off] I happily ignore or hide them without complaining. I wish you do the same.

 

And again I think I have explained by social status, dont judge me virtually unless you know me physically.If you want to test me for your girl either talk to my parents [YEP I still belong to the traditional old school family!] or ask her to have a coffee with me [Not you:P)].

 

 

 

 

 

A poetic morning

It was a warm and fuzzy friday. In this part of year, at this part of the world sun rises up too early to try to catch up with it. So I had the curtains stretched to prevent  a tiny speck of light which could disturb my shortened sleeps. I woke up at eight with colorful dreams and a good to-do list. I pulled off the curtain only to see dark clouds and signs of coldness! Goodness it is, the external weather too changes in tune with my internal weather.

I ran out of milk and the fact was out of my memory when I did shopping yesterday, hence thought of walking a bit and having my peg at starbucks. But voila. there were plenty of sights on the way to delight me. First and foremost there was a soccer camp for kid girls”:):) It was delightful to watch their pony tails dance in air, and the tiny legs roam in search of the ball. Went and found a huge line in StarBucks! No differWhen I smiled and poked at him, he informed his mom which only made her hurry in to angry:)

I took my stuff, and on the way back there was this little angel in starbucks queue! Forgot to note, when I entered there was even a grown up angel whom I stared at and she stared back!:) With those vision, the thoughts rolled on about my VISION in life and for the day. Thought those thoughts are bookmark worthy. Hence blogging it! I have my moments in Simi Valley too:):)

Yep on the way back I saw kid-dad practicing football! Gorgeous!

 

 

Life Cycle

Felt an heavy dose of turbulence in the last week. There is a huge gap between what I want to be and what I am in my professional career. But all along I had a feeling that I am moving towards to it. Inspite of my laziness and limited accomplishments I used to carry an unassuming confidence,excitement and inquisitive curiosity to explore different things. And that has been the exact disadvantage all these days. Since I spill my brains easily I get enthused by every passing web page draining my persistence in each of them. But I was happy and super glad about it since It gave me wonderful dreams while sleeping and not sleeping.

Programming devices without abstraction was a kind of fantasy to me. I call it more as an infatuation,because I developed this desire somewhere in my second year at college. I was awaiting microprocessor classes and I still remember the pages of Gaonkar and Hall which I used to cherish reading alone in the empty terraces of college. But I havent converted those energy in to some working model. That is where I lagged. I couldnt land in to the same domain at work and I might be thankful for it now. After four years in to professional career I got an opportunity to work with such things. Only despair was there was no work to do all along. Though I can claim enough reasons , to get rid of blames from my head , at the end its me who is affected.

When you find yourself  not capable of identifying certain issues, when you are at the destination and dont feel the joy of reaching there – Its a difficult situation which I am yet to handle with grace. I looked back and saw a void in the path and the whole journey had no traces of loyalty to the various interests I followed. Few instances in that ‘present’ made me feel very bad. Though I am adept at reading people to an extent, I am naive in dealing with them. I reflect my thoughts in my actions and live an open life without abstractions. That led me to lot of problems and I am thinking of containing certain things within myself. I dont know whether thats good or bad but thats needed. There at that moment I felt the hypocrisy which is so prevalent. It was quite a difficult period where I was devoid of hope.

I write this up here for me to smile at it at a different phase of this life cycle where I would have found answers for it. I am quite lagging in time with what I want to be for myself and that piles up huge pressure. I want life to be good not only for me but for people around me. It may seem quite like an tamil heros wish but I feel everyone should be valued at their worth and must have their primary rights. I see people compensating their rights and wishes for compensations:(. When I rise up against that , I get the tag “IDEAL” and I get hit hard. Most people curse me warning that I wont survive or continue with this attitude once I have more familiar responsibilities to an adult.But I know the way to make it possible and know the ways through which it cannot be reached. Knowing both I should keep each step in this journey without worrying about the path it leads to for a while.

Persistence and loyalty are two traits which I should acquire. I am going to contain my enthusiasm and express it at appropriate moments. My TODO list contains certain tasks which are hanging out there for almost three years. In moments of despair it is these little things which pushes me to depression. Mistakes I have made many! I want to grow up soon! This post and this thoughts makes me feel like a  kid!But again I love kids:)