A quick journal ..14th Dec 2012

Woke up to a dream, the biological clock disagreed with the 5:50 AM in the mechanical clock and wanted more sleep.Anxiety was more and I could feel the body heat – not good signs, if you dont have the WILL you tend to get to sleep till you are comfortable and run on a rarely ending loop swirling down. But out of GOOD WILL i was able to wake up and brush up before my MOM’s wake up/check!

Strolled along for a walk, with a hope that I will return as a better man. Shock/Surprise the turn around is possible only when something unexpected happens.But also the heart badly wanted the normal routine to be in place and it finds security in predictability and being ROUTINE. So did, my dose of tea pushed my brain and I strolled along the park. I should be running but I was walking because I am yet to regularize time.[Lazy bloke!- but wait its you dont curse yourself!]. I observed the crows in group discussion, seriously they are never alone in the morning. They were down on the ground gazing at each other in groups. Something must be going on..

I observed the moon. It was beautiful as FULL MOON couple of days ago and now only a part of it was visible to as and that didnt trigger the same feeling it did couple of days ago. WHY? Perspectives in life, we are in no position to feel empathy/sympathy/envy the moon for we arent the moon.

By this time the body heat had come down,so did the anxiety. I have been missing my routine studies for about 5 days now and its creating huge pressure. But today I am happy to miss it and did something else. Crashed upon my landlord and it wasnt just a “Good Morning” wish. He knows me well very well and I know him a bit[I mean internally! we externally know each other for 5 years!] The conversation went on how he approaches his construction work and how human beings should be constructed. He is a man of balance between whats possible and whats probable. When I poured in my ideas I could see him placing a check when I went beyond whats possible and he called it as a dream. And he said dreams doesnt help, only the possiible acts does. His motto is to do your best in your today, and your tomorrow will be shaped on its own.

Well its not a question of agreeing or disagreeing then. But the conversation for sure helped myself [he did that with purpose I guess!] and I walked in back to the room with new thoughts[new??:(]. Those new learning about yourself, that not wanting an acknowledgment from the world is healthier and this classification of healthy/dishealthy is not healthier:)

20 minutes to leave the room. FOCUS is going to be target for the day when I have more meetings lined up!

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